REFRAMING SELF TALK TO BE POSITIVE

Reframe how you think to feel positive

Being positive is more important than staying upset or negative

If you are happy, your sense of well being would rise

If you keep finding faults, you will never be free of the vicious circles of negativity in life

We keep talking to ourselves silently as we keep thinking. There is never a moment when we are not thinking unless we are in a meditative process of thought control. We keep thinking as regularly as we keep breathing. Thoughts are as necessary to keep the mind alive as the breath is important to keep the body alive but we can control the energy of thoughts. During meditation, we control the energy flow of thoughts to feel detached or non- negative about life. Otherwise, we usually, think negatively. To be happy and emotionally balanced, we need to be non-negative as habit.

 It is important to learn how to think in a detached manner. We remain in good health and stay happy when we think such that energy flows neutrally or positively.

Reframing is a method of making ourselves aware of the impact of negative self talk, which we keep thinking unconsciously, in our mind. Negative self talk or negative statements about others increase stress, anxiety and health problems in our lives.

REFRAMING involves making ourselves aware and conscious of our own flow of thoughts. A conscious use of language is necessary to expand our model of the world and view people’s behaviors in a positive perspective.

 Reframing seeks to increase our choices of response to an externally irritating behavior. The method works by changing negative energy to positive energy in our mind.

Reframing helps us to view the world more positively as we seek to understand the positive intentions of each behavior we criticize unconsciously in ourselves, or others. 

REFRAMING helps to improve health and happiness as it breaks negative energy circuits in the mind. If we have a negative model of the world, REFRAMING helps us view the same situation in a positive manner. It improvises our perspective of behavior by loosening the existing rigid model of the world we have by defining how everything should be. It shows us that people can chose to be different than us and yet, have positive intentions. Through REFRAMING, we become flexible and more approachable.

REFRAMING is based on the principle that No behavior is bad. Every behavior is useful in a particular context and time.

When we make our model of the world, we generalize, delete and distort information. The behavior which our mind chooses to deal with a problem situation may be the best among our possible alternatives but we are not aware of this consciously.

So, we need to recover information through REFRAMING our statements ina  positive light, which makes us realize that the behavior has a positive intention.

Once we stop labeling the behavior as bad, the stress caused by it reduces.

E.g., Anger is needed for self-defense and to be heard. Fear is needed to be careful.

Laziness may be a defense mechanism to protect the body from stress.

Fat is a result of a desire to be invisible. People who are fat prefer hiding inside the layers of fat. Other people see the fat, not the real soul .It is a protective mechanism used by the subconscious, when one`s MOW is too threatening. Such a defense mechanism becomes operative if a  person has been raped or abused/exploited because s/he was attractive. A person may also allow fat to rise in order to relax from other pressures of life which make him feel like a performing robot.

Being fat can be a method of gaining respect of a different kind. If you are pretty, people look at you as a pretty face. But, if you are fat, they look for other qualities in you.

So, any negative behavior is useful in a specific context.

When we change our model of the world, we represent reality to ourselves in a different manner. We change our perspective. The behavior which caused us stress earlier stops appearing as a problem.

In the process of seeking positive intentions, the person`s self image changes. There is a shift in identity, accompanied by a feeling of empowerment.

THE BASIS OF REFRAMING IS TO DISCONNECT BEHAVIOR AND INTENTION.

When we reframe a behavior, we find the context in which it is useful, the positive intention behind that behavior and if there is any other way to achieve the same positive intention.

METHOD 1 OF REFRAMING - CHANGE CONTEXT

The behavior which appears bad in one context would appear appropriate when viewed in another context.

Something which can be useful in one context may be inappropriate in another situation.

Our learning from viewing the behavior in another context is that it is not the behavior itself which is bad but the context in which it is used and the effect it has on the creation of negativity in a specific context, which can be bad.

Learning task 2- Self Reflection

Think of a behavior in yourself which you do not like.

Now, ask yourself why you are maintaining that behavior inspite of you not liking it? What is the positive intention of your subconscious mind in behaving that way? Do you dislike the behavior because other people disapprove of it or because you find it blocking your evolution in some way?

Has there been another context when the same behavior has helped you. Think of a situation when the same behavior has been useful/stress releasing/empowering?

E.g.1 - I feel too sleepy early mornings — ask yourself – “How does the behavior help you during the day? “

E.g. 2 - If you feel unsuccessful, you may be self reflecting and repeating to yourself that “I can never succeed” – Ask - “How has thinking this way helped you feel safe?”

METHOD 2- REFRAMING BY CHANGING MEANING

If there is a negative behavior, you can reframe its meaning to see it in a positive perspective.

 The method is to change meaning by finding  how the same behavior could be positively interpreted .

Ask yourself “What is the positive intention behind that behavior?”

Continuing on the above Eg. A person says- “I can never succeed.”

The positive intention of choosing not to succeed could be that she does not want to face the pressures involved in pursuing success.

Or she feels that the effort involved is to much and the sacrifices she would have to make are not worth it.

So, the reason she does not succeed is because she chooses other areas to focus upon than pursue success, as defined conventionally. She chooses to be in peace than get pressurized about success or she chooses a family life over external success. On reframing we find that, the person’s choice of words is negative as she is ignoring the positive aspects of her choice.

 This person is successful in feeling non – pressurized or in having a loving family life, which is important for her peace. So, she is successful in being at peace and chooses not to succeed in other areas where she may feel a pressurizing conflict in her mind .

 Therefore, instead of saying “ I can never succeed”, the statement should be “ I do not choose to succeed at the cost of my peace of mind and family sacrifice” , as her feeling of being unsuccessful  is more a matter of priority than a physical limitation or a learning disability at being unable to succeed.

Learning task 3

Think of one context/task where you feel- “I can never succeed.”

Now, think of the positive intention behind this behaviour. How has thinking this way helped you and how has it not helped you?

What are the resources you need to succeed and what are the reasons that you can/cannot have those resources?

Thus, whenever we indulge in a negative behavior/thought pattern about self, the subconscious mind has a positive intention. There is always a particular context in which the behavior is useful , understanding which can reduce the stress arising by indulging in the negative thought pattern.

REFRAMING OTHER PEOPLE’S BEHAVIOURS

We can reframe other people’s negative attitude towards ourselves by viewing their behavior in a different context or meaning.

E.g. If a person says “My father is so busy with his work. He has no time to spend with us.”

Reframe meaning to find the positive intention of behavior. See what else could the behavior mean. Change your Internal representation about the behavior. Check on the core intention.

Why do you think he works so hard? What is his positive intention behind it?

The positive intention of his working so hard could be that he wants to provide comforts for his family.  Providing material comforts could be his way of caring for the family

Learning task 4- Reframe a  negative thought pattern using meaning and context.

Think of something that worries you about another person.

Now, think of the positive intention behind this behaviour.

Next, think of the context in which this behaviour would help you/the other person.

 Check whether the behaviour still worries you as much.

E.g.” I get upset when my parents criticize me.”

Reframe meaning- what is the positive intention behind this criticism?
Reframe context- Has there been any situation when the same criticism has helped you ?

E.g. 2 “I cannot get as much marks as I desire”

Ask yourself - “When has this thinking helped you?

Maybe, this self statement has helped you develop humility. Some people are afraid of being arrogant as souls because arrogance leads to long term negativity in mind. It is possible that you did not choose to get marks so that you do not get arrogance.

Alternatively, probably, this statement helps you to study harder.

It is also possible that you get less marks because of conditioning of your mind from childhood that you would get less marks. Maybe your parents keep saying that you would get less marks due to your temperament or theirs. It is also possible that you do not study hard as conventionally defined and you get less marks because  your parents say that one must study hard to get marks.

So, when you feel you haven`t studied hard enough, according to your parents, you will programme yourself to get lesser marks than you deserve even  if you know the subject.          

To free yourself from the negativity arising from this statement “Ask- “Is this your belief or somebody else`s belief ? Is keeping this belief helping you any longer? If not, remove this and replace with a more empowering belief.

Whatever you say to yourself repeatedly manifests in your life . Use self hypnosis for suggestions and neural circuitry to break and re-build your thought process. It is imperative to use positive self talk to stay positive and healthy.