Saturday, 13 June 2015

Test- Operate – Test – Exit – How Do You Decide You Are Loved?

 You dont fall in love just once,

You can fall in love again and again,
As your thinking changes, your needs change,
Love requires sacrifice of ego for oneness to be

People seek to test emotions like love, commitment, intelligence and God before deciding to invest energies.

 However, the criterian of what evidence means varies with the processing speed of the brain of each person, upbringing , values, beleifs, conditioning and the perceptual abilities of the sense organs.
There is a procedure called TEST- OPERATE- TEST – EXIT used subconsciously by each one of us for taking decisions. For example, there is a TOTE for food, which helps you decide when you are full and when you are hungry. The TOTE differs for fat people and thin people; that is why fat people continue to feel hungry when thin people feel fulfilled. Similarly, there is a TOTE for trust .Some people trust instantly while others keep testing in suspicion. Likewise, there is a TOTE for disappointment. 
Some people realize a job is disappointing and leave in a day while others go on working for years before they can quit. There is a TOTE for almost every aspect of life.
If we have clarity about our T.O.T.E, we would feel less helpless about other people’s behaviors as each person’s T.O.T.E is different.

For example, if a person says ‘I LOVE YOU “- what will make you believe or disbelieve him or her? For an unmarried person, love represents understanding, sex and having fun together. If a person supports your thinking even if superficially, is willing to attend parties with you, takes you around for movies, eating out, and is sexually loving and desirable, you would most probably decide it is love.
However, for a married person, love also would mean economic support as married people have to take financial decisions for their survival. If one person is to lavish in spending while the other person believes in being frugal or careful about money.

 If there is shortage of money, the love relationship would come under test. The relationship may survive if other factors involved compensate for problems in money matters but would create severe distress if money is short always.
For a person with children, love would also mean agreement on upbringing of the children. 

Relationships with in-laws and parents would start affecting the love relationship. A person would feel loved if she or he gets support in family environment and in public.  If the man is organized and the woman is relaxed, love would come under test again as each would feel his way is the best; while the other is being careless. The person who is dominating may be emotionally rude and hence harm others’ self-confidence and the other partner may feel more often, suffocated or hurt than loved. The person who is relaxed may be indifferent to money matters or cleanliness which may irritate the other . 

If an agreement can be reached, the relationship would be harmonious but if the differences become too deep, love would feel threatened. The first impact of differences in thinking is on sexual compatibility. If sex dies out in a relationship, it means that there are too many differences in thinking which have to be addressed as a priority.

Hence, a married person with children would not feel loved by the same criteria as an unmarried person would. The person who appears very attractive to an unmarried, single man may appear as careless and clumsy to a homemaker. Similarly, a woman who seems sexy and desirable to an unmarried man may appear as selfish and greedy to a financer.

Love changes with time, circumstances and needs of people. Thinking changes as we evolve over difficulties of life , and as our thinking changes, our requirements of feeling loved change.

Loyalty is usually a test of love. If there is a need to be disloyal to a partner, it indicates disagreements in thinking. You would seek sex outside only if you do not feel understood or reciprocated in the ways you want with your partner. Disloyalty can be forgiven if a mutual consensus can be reached between the couple. However, if there is a need for avoiding the partner or cheating on the partner on a continuous basis, it means that the relationship has ended emotionally and you live together like old furniture which has been bought and is too expensive to discard.
It is better to break up the relationship if loyalty is not possible than cheat or avoid contact because lying to another would harm your own inner vibrations as you would lie only in fear of yourself or the other getting hurt. Where fear rules, love cannot survive just as when night rules, sunlight dies out.

Fear and love are opposite energies. There are ways of meeting responsibilities to each other by remaining friends than needing to stay married while desiring other sexual partners. If you stay together because you do not want to hurt yours or his family, you are doing injustice to society,  as you are preventing openness and evolution of consciousness where freedom of space and true love need to thrive for more people to believe in happiness and God.

Mistakes happen but if they keep happening, it means that the problem is arising due to a need in evolution. Just a s toddler falls a few times while learning to walk, but attains his balance later, a couple in love may stray outside for sex or love before they understand they need each other to be happy. However, if the toddler never attains balance, it means that there is a problem in his growth. Similarly, if the couple can never be loyal to each other, it means there is a problem in their soul evolution to oneness. True love means one sexual partner and a need for developing understanding with that one such that both evolve in thinking with single mindedness in spirit as they overcome difficulties together.

Test-operate-test- exit means that if the operation is not successful, you quit the experiment. But, if the test is successful, you improvise it till you attain the perfection of understanding you seek in each other.

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